Why I Don't Cook Much

They make it look so easy. Those people on the Food Network, that is, who slice and dice their food with a dexterity that makes me envious. Does that make the Food Network an occasion of sin? When I cook, I tend to go very slowly, and I can only do one thing at a time, so anything that requires juggling multiple processes at once is out of the question. I'm the stereotypical hapless husband.

Anyway, as my dear wife was leaving for mass this morning (I had gone to an earlier mass), she made only one small request. Could I get everything ready for lunch, so that we could eat when she got back around 12:00? Seemed simple enough to me.

The meat was browned and seasoned. The refried beans were ready to be heated. I pulled out the big cutting board, the big knife, and the head of lettuce. I cut off a big section of the lettuce and cut it into strips, the way I like it. It looked like only about half as much as we were going to need, so I cut off another section and started slicing away. It was going great.

Until I cut off the tip of my thumb.

I knew right away what I had done, and removed my hand before it even started bleeding. It actually wasn't too bad. There seemed to be a lot of blood, but a couple of band aids took care of that, and the part that I cut off was still sitting right there on the cutting board. I'd say my left thumb is now about 1/8 inch shorter than it used to be.

But lunch will be ready when Amy and the girls get home!