Talents

In today's gospel, Jesus gives us the parable of the talents. I tend to take a dim personal view of this parable for two reasons. First, I don't see that I've produced any return on the talent that's been given to me. Second, I can't identify what my talents are in the first place. It's a dim view.

I end up trying to generate some kind of return on what I've been given, because I know that we are all called to the apostolate. We were told as much by the fathers of the Second Vatican Council in Apostolicam Actuositatem:

. . . the member who fails to make his proper contribution
to the development of the Church must be said to
be useful neither to the Church nor to himself.

So, I've tried different things. I've come to realize that I don't connect well with youth, even though I'm a high school catechist and an adult mentor for a program for boys aged 8 and up. My own kids have turned out pretty well so far, but I have to resist comparing them (and by extension, my own parenting) to other good kids, and every time I lose patience with them I am confronted with my own failure.

Again, I find myself turning to Him and crying, What do you want of me? If I complain that I don't have a silver tongue, I recall that Moses said the same thing. If I complain that I can't overcome my own sinfulness, I recall that St. Paul said much the same thing.

And so I keep stumbling along, hoping that my efforts do more good than harm.