I end up trying to generate some kind of return on what I've been given, because I know that we are all called to the apostolate. We were told as much by the fathers of the Second Vatican Council in Apostolicam Actuositatem:
So, I've tried different things. I've come to realize that I don't connect well with youth, even though I'm a high school catechist and an adult mentor for a program for boys aged 8 and up. My own kids have turned out pretty well so far, but I have to resist comparing them (and by extension, my own parenting) to other good kids, and every time I lose patience with them I am confronted with my own failure.
. . . the member who fails to make his proper contribution
to the development of the Church must be said to
be useful neither to the Church nor to himself.
Again, I find myself turning to Him and crying, What do you want of me? If I complain that I don't have a silver tongue, I recall that Moses said the same thing. If I complain that I can't overcome my own sinfulness, I recall that St. Paul said much the same thing.
And so I keep stumbling along, hoping that my efforts do more good than harm.